Windshield wipers give me anxiety

Was this covered in driving school?

It recently rained in Southern California, which I guess couldn’t have come at a better time considering there’s a shelter-in-place order across the state. But that’s beside the point.

Here’s the part that gets me: When it rains, I’m never sure how high to turn on my windshield wipers.

The first setting is usually enough for a light mist, but sometimes a more incessant drizzle requires setting number two, maybe even number three. But I just don’t know, and my car’s manual doesn’t come with a guide telling me which setting is appropriate for the different types of rain.

Is it acceptable to have my wipers going at full speed when it’s hardly raining, the wipers flailing wildly at a few measly raindrops? Or should I use a lower setting and risk water accumulating on my windshield like an overwhelming financial debt?

I often look over at nearby cars to see what setting other drivers have chosen. I’ve even been tempted to roll down my window (in the rain) to ask other drivers their preferred windshield wiper setting.

If their wipers are going at a different speed than mine, I immediately become self-conscious. Should I try and match the setting they’re using? I don’t want to look like a copy cat. But I also want to look like I know what I’m doing.

Do they look over at my car, windshield wipers rapidly going back and forth, and scoff? What is he afraid of? I imagine people thinking.

I become especially aware of my windshield wiper usage at stoplights, their mechanical whir sweeping back and forth like a metronome. There have been a few instances when I haven’t realized the rain has stopped, yet I’ve let my wipers continue to run. When that happens, I’ll look around in shame, fully aware that I’ve committed a major windshield wiper faux pas.

I remember once when it was really pouring, to the point where you could barely see the car in front of you. It was scary to be on the road.

There I was at a red light, water coming down in sheets, when I looked over at the car next to me and noticed its windshield wipers lazily going back and forth, as if the rain was nothing more than morning dew.

When I looked at the driver, I was shocked to see a little old lady, barely tall enough to see over the car’s steering wheel. Yet she seemed unfazed, maybe even a little thrilled by Mother Nature’s display of raw power.

After a moment of staring, I noticed her look over at my car’s windshield wipers going full tilt. She then looked over at me, and I swear she gave me the dirtiest look. I think she mouthed the word “wimp.”

When the light turned green, she sped off, while I just sat there stunned, wondering where it all went wrong.

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