We All Have Broken Windows

What keeps us from fixing the broken things in our lives?

by Rick Alloway

I got my income tax forms filed on time again this year. That might not seem like a momentous accomplishment. After all, most Americans have to complete this yearly ritual by Tax Day each spring.

But for me, completing and submitting the forms is the culmination of a dance I voluntarily engage in every spring, despite my sincere intentions otherwise. The dance starts at the rollover of the calendar to the new year, with the arrival in the mail of a tax planner from our accountants and the gradual accumulation over the following weeks of the required forms and documentation.

Every year I make a pledge to get this annual task wrapped up and off my desk earlier than the previous year. And every year, I end up panicking and getting things submitted to our accountants just under the wire.

Why do I do this to myself year after year?

The short answer is I am a procrastinator. I have developed to art-form level my ability to design mental roadblocks to place in front of tasks that might appear to be unpleasant or uncomfortable.

In the case of tax preparation, I seem to convince myself each spring that this is going to be a lengthy and arduous task, one that will consume inordinate amounts of time and energy and will most likely result in a payment due to the IRS. And every year I am wrong. The process is almost always very cut and dried — minimalist, even — and usually results in a refund. But getting started is always a struggle. I tell myself I have plenty of time. I convince myself other things have a higher priority. I stress over the details of the impending task. Do I have all the documentation I will need to provide to our accountants? Did the government forget to send me a critical form? Have I overlooked a stray deposit that could come back to haunt me in case of an audit? Will some arcane rule change trip me up? What if I owe money this year?

My fears never come to fruition. But every spring, they seem to reappear, and with no good reason.

I know this task must be done. And I am almost certain to benefit from its completion, both emotionally and financially. Why don’t I just get after it?

A couple of months ago, I read a thread on Twitter that resonated with me about my tax preparation phobia. A young father wrote at great length about his procrastination in fixing a broken window in the foundation of his house. The window was not a critical one; it provided some daylight into the back utility room of their home. It had been broken by accident and he had delayed attempting to fix it - not simply for months, but years, choosing instead to cover it with cardboard and duct tape. He imagined all manner of problems replacing the window and worried it would be an incredibly expensive task due to its location in the concrete block foundation of the house. Periodically, he would consider fixing it, and each time, he would stress over the details of the project and ultimately put it off.

But then, his growing young family got too big for their starter home, and they were forced to look for a larger place. That forced the issue with the broken window. He knew he would have to get it repaired in order to sell the home, so he knuckled down and looked into the actual details and expense.

What he found was that with an inexpensive piece of glass and some glazing compound from a hardware store, he could complete the project himself and all within less than an hour.

He could have easily repaired the window years earlier but had instead invested far more time and personal capital agonizing over doing the task than the task itself actually required.

This reminded me of a story I had read earlier about a man who had delayed for a long time going through a storage closet at his home. He had inherited the family home when his parents died, and he had put off for years the task of cleaning out a closet that held many of his parents’ belongings. He rationalized his delay by saying he didn’t need the space…that he had far more pressing tasks…that he wouldn’t know what to do with the contents…that maybe there was something in there he would want at some point…

The list of reasons for avoiding the task went on and on, and he agonized over his procrastination for years, to the point of even fearing to look in the closet.

Finally, a friend, who was also a counselor, suggested to this man a possible motive for dragging his feet. Clearing the closet and dispensing of the materials within it would be a form of final goodbye to his parents - something he might subconsciously have been avoiding and dreading. With that realization in hand, he set aside a weekend, dug into the task, and found it both cathartic and enjoyable. It brought back many happy memories of time with his parents, but also provided closure that could have come much earlier, had he only just started the process. As with the young homeowner, the personal emotional capital expended far outweighed the actual cost (in this case, an emotional one).

Whatever our individual circumstances, each of us have broken windows to fix. Things that we have let drag on too long for whatever reason. Maybe it’s a physical task, maybe the repair is of a personal relationship. But in almost every case, the Twitter thread writer opined, the emotional burden and expenditure of delaying the inevitable is likely to be greater than the outlay to actually fix things.

A few years ago, a friend, faced with end-stage cancer, wrote a series of personal blog entries about coming to terms with his situation and the end-of-life issues he was working to resolve while he still had time. One of them was to settle all personal issues with others, regardless of how long those issues might have festered. It was time to wipe the board clean. To leave nothing unsaid, no matter how difficult. It was time to invest in emotional glazing compound and glass. To fix the broken windows.

My burden is lighter, by far. For me the test will come starting in January of next year. I have processes in place to keep track of the tax documents I know I will need. Will I find the determination to wrap up the data collection earlier in 2023 and surprise my accountants by providing them for once with more than a few days to compile and submit my return? I have posted a note in my calendar to revisit this essay in January as an emotional kick in the rear to get moving.

How about you? Time for some reflection and a trip to the hardware store?

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