Enough Already!

(Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash)

Outgrowing relationships is a natural part of life. We experience various stages of growth in life that may change our needs for connection and nurturing. As I have developed, I’ve learned that my relationship needs change according to my nurturing needs. The friendships I needed in middle and high school are not the same friendships I need as a 40-year-old working mom.

For this reason, it’s time to learn how to detach from certain relationships and escape from the baggage of breaking up connections. I think this process should start with learning how to say, “no.” The concept of no is a complete thought. When allowed, “no” holds an entire explanation and a clear statement. A person should respect themselves enough to know when to say no and give others the respect of hearing no, without demanding more of a clarification.

I can remember a few of my closest relationships that I had as a child, and some of them were quite significant. I fondly think of how these relationships shaped my life and my moral compass. I took good and bad lessons from these connections and applied them all where I needed to as I developed. Even though these people and relationships were significant in my early development, I don’t need to nurture further connections with them. The burden of that was at some point weighing me down. I did not realize this until a recent situation when a dear loved one’s trauma greatly affected my mental space. I was heavily troubled by a situation of moral character and it redefined the future of my connection to this person. I had to evaluate my need for a bond with this connection. Although we had a significant relationship, I saw no need to continue the relationship because our paths were just morally too contrasting.

I appreciate the place this connection will always have in my life, but I no longer feel obligated to hold a space for this person. We have very little in common and I cannot see a place where our moral directions could meet in the future. I did not severe the relationship. I simply decided to say “no” and acknowledge that I have outgrown the need for this connection. While it may be uncomfortable for someone else to accept your decision to move forward in your relationship development, try and understand that you are doing them a greater service by acknowledging your truth than you would by remaining burdened by the connection you no longer desire to nurture. You allow them to grow, by accepting that you have outgrown the relationship.

Be well with it.

(Photo by Rene Fisher)

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