Thoughts on Turning 60

Next week is my 60th birthday.

You probably have no idea that it would be such a hurdle for me to write that sentence just a few months ago. Some of that is a prison of my own creation, but I’ve never been good at not giving a ****. I’ve spent way too much effort the last 25 years trying to hide my age.

Part of the issue is straight up vanity. In the US we lived in a culture where women inject, contour and surgically alter themselves to fight off the effects of gravity and collagen depletion. All too often we hear someone say “she looks great for her age” because they look so much younger than the perceived idea of what a 50, 60 or 70-something woman “normally” looks like. We love youth. I haven’t submitted to the treatment temptations at the dermatology office, but I’m not about to give up hair dye and Estée Lauder either.

Age discrimination is no myth and the longer I stayed in corporate America the more pressure I felt to be current, sharp, and relevant. Very rarely are those traits attributed to an older person. I would not willingly divulge aspects of my life that could date me. What happened then is I became guarded and overly private. I didn’t fully show up. I successfully fooled a lot of people, and not because I lied, but instead I just didn’t share. I was seen as private and reserved. As an introvert I do have those tendencies regardless, but underneath it all the real thing was that I was afraid. I decided to forecast and judge what other people might think about me because I was afraid they would judge me. How sad is that?

The truly sad thing is that I can’t even say this is a cautionary tale and others shouldn’t do it. I still believe (belief that is built from experiences) that the discrimination is there. I also believe that if you’re meant to be in a job that God has called you to, you’re going to get it no matter what age you are. Nonetheless, as a career coach, the first thing I did when I edited resumes for my clients with lengthy job histories was to strip age identifying dates or jobs out of their resumes. I also read many sites that said to quit using words like “seasoned” or “experienced” because recruiters quickly translated that to “too old” and weeded the applicant out for not being a fit.

But there is hope for others like me who do care deeply about the potential judgements of others. I’ve also heard it called Fear of Man if you are a fellow traveler in the Christian community. Not just the judgments, but the financial impact of being made redundant, not being hired, or not being considered high potential and worthy of developing. I escaped the environment creating the disconnect.

I created a new life as a retired person living in Portugal. In my new life I don’t care if you know I’m 60, my husband is 70, I’ve got teenaged grandchildren and I graduated from high school and college in the 80s. Others can think what they will about people my age, say what they want about “old” people and have their beliefs. I am done caring about that and loving the freedom that comes with it. God knows me and loves me and made me with unique abilities to be used at this time and in this place. At 60 I am fitter, healthier, and happier than I have been in years. Defying the preconceived idea that these two “old” people wouldn’t want to upturn their lives has been a life lesson to those in our orbit. You can. And you should (if it’s right for you and you feel called to do it).

It is just exhausting to feel a need to hide your age, your disabilities, or any part of yourself. For those living in that place of not feeling you can fully show up, I get it. For those who are better at letting everyone in to everything, I admire your courage. And as for me, I’m just so grateful to have found my key out of that prison. It’s looking like a very promising decade.

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