Why does my girlfriend keep on thinking that she needs to change herself to be loved when I always love her the way she is?

She is insecure and doesn’t love herself yet. She doesn’t view herself as the beautiful special girl she is. Maybe to you, you see a sweet amazing girl who is smart and loyal, but to her she sees just an average girl on this big earth.

I was once her and struggled with this a lot before. My ex would tell me that I’m gorgeous and beautiful because he saw that. But I never believed him. I always thought he was just saying that to make me feel better or he’s just saying that just because he felt the “duty” to say it (since he was my boyfriend). I never felt beautiful or great. I felt like I was just an average girl. And I have nothing about me that is so great which makes me so lovable. I’m sure your girlfriend would understand what I felt. For example, if there was an competition where a guy had to pick out a girl he liked out of 10 women, I would NEVER ever think he would chose me. I didn’t hate the way I look or my personality, but I just didn’t see how much I’m worth just by being myself. I didn’t see what was so lovable since I was so average and so not special..

I learned over the years to love myself. And this journey really takes time. I know it’s so cliche but you really need to love yourself before you love others. If she doesn’t, this small thing can escalate into something big. Things like insecurities about you leaving her for other girls, feeling like she’s not enough, all in all not feeling wholesome.

Of course you can help her though! Have a mature honest talk about this. Sit her down and tell her how much she’s worth and how special she really is to not just you but to the world. You can tell her what you like about her and go more in detail.

Obviously loving yourself is deeper than just compliments and surface level stuff, but it is a place to start. Once she realizes how important she is and how great and lovable she is to herself, that’s when she’ll feel wholesome. That’s when she won’t change herself to be loved.

It’s beautiful that you love her the way she is, I wish you good luck :)

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