Wedding attempt No. 1

The whole process of setting up two persons, arranged marriage style is so fucking difficult. Who would have thought that despite two people liking each other, it could still be turned down cause the elders aren’t keen. Basically cause the signs aren’t right.

Adding on to that, it was fucking dumb to think that love arranged was even possible. It’s always either love or arranged. There’s nothing in between. If it’s love, you’ve got to stand firm and fight till the end. And if it’s arranged, you just have got to suck it up and let it go.

Let me walk you through my very own personal experience of a recently broken down love cum arranged marriage attempt.

It all started over 6 months ago when my grandparents brought up the proposal of a guy to me. They asked me if I like him. At first glance, he didn’t stand out in any way. Plus, I was so freaked out about getting married so I bluntly said no. I didn’t just stop there, I went on giving excuses why I did not like him. Trust me, those excuses were fucking shallow and I’m not proud of it.

Later on, my conscience trapped me in a series of guilt session where I felt it was so fucking wrong to judge a person without even knowing them. So I gave it a chance and got to know him slowly. In that process, I guess he started having interests. I, on the other hand, was completely clueless and indecisive as usual.

In the period of two months alone, I changed my decision of checking for the horoscope at least two to three times. When it comes to Indian weddings, it is a norm to check the horoscope based on the date and time of birth of both bride and groom to see if they’re compatible. This is just a belief that if it’s compatible, they’d live harmoniously and there shan’t be any separation. It’s lame but yes.

I went back and forth on the decision of whether or not check my horoscope with his. That’s because, checking the horoscope is sort of the beginning before it gets real serious. In the end, I decided not to and told him we could only be friends.

So, that’s what we were. Friends. But he still had interest and pursued them subtly. I was a stupid arsehole who couldn’t read any of these signs and symptoms. I did like him at that point but I was so sure it wouldn’t work out and I just buried my feelings.

On the 17th of March, I made an important decision of my life. We went hiking at Broga Hill together. I was a lonely soul and when a person comes in as a company, I was damn excited. I wanted to do many things but sometimes the concern was that I didn’t have company. So that’s how we went Broga Hill.

You could say that I was more thrilled about the company I had rather than the likeness feeling for him. But eventually, on the ride back home, I confessed to him that I like him and if this were to proceed as marriage, I’m ready. Little did I realise that this is what he wanted and he had been slowly planting ideas in me for I myself will agree upon it.

There was a time where he actually confessed that he plants idea in people so that they themselves will realise that it’s best choice. When I first found out, I had been so upset that he manipulated me. But he convinced me that it was for the best and I didn’t dwell further on it. Note that at this point, I still liked him and I overlooked this minus.

As time pass by, we both became fond of each other a little more. Him more than me. He was doing many things that aren’t norm for him cause he wanted me. He was compromising and adjusting. I appreciated all those. But I just don’t believe in that. A lot of changes in such short time? Don’t think it’d last. I was so skeptical about it. But I was learning to appreciate the changes. So I let it go.

The elders on the other side, was planning for the wedding. There were quite a number of hiccups but we were so sure that this is going in the direction of marriage. There’s nothing to worry. First, there was issue with dowry. The there was issue with date. Dowry has been compromised. However when the date issue came up, I guess my aiya couldn’t take it anymore.

He called me personally and we had a chat. He wasn’t brainwashing me or anything. He was merely explaining that he wasn’t happy about this. He feels uncomfortable with this family. His family was weird. They tend to keep hogging onto what they know even though it’s wrong which my aiya finds stupid. He probably sounded damn straight about it to them also I guess. So they feel he’s being stubborn and dictating what they should do.

When I thought of it from the guy’s point of view, I supported him and his family. That’s where I proved that I was fucking stupid. How could I ever support a strange family and a guy who manipulated me over my own family whom I’ve known for 26 years.

I learnt his true colour when I chose my aiya and my family over him. I officially told him that this isn’t going to work. At first he was cool about it cause he thought that it’d still come around cause it’s too shocking to be true. Then next day we got into a argument and when he asked if I want this or not, I straight away said NO. That pushed him to the limit. Since then he was being a complete dickhead. He was unhappy that I did not choose to stand up for him.

He reviled me as much as he could whenever I reach out to him, as a comfort for myself and concern about him. He was cold and indifferent. His mum, his friends, and everyone he knew said I wasn’t good enough it seems. So yea.

After few days of reviling me, he reached out and say sorry for his actions. Not because he realised his mistakes. The reason was a third middle person who has been involved in the wedding arrangement spoke to his mum and convinced her that I did what I did cause I had no option. Then, his mum must’ve told him. So, he’s sorry about it. I was telling him the same bullshit all along but it never got to his head. But hearing from a stranger seems to make a lot of sense.

If this is the case, he has to live with his wife, his mother, and an outsider so that he can realise his mistake when there’s disagreement. My aiya was so right about him. Now, I’m more and more convinced that he isn’t the one for me. How am I suppose to live with such person who finds it so hard to understand things rationally. He acts violently when he’s angry. Later, he’s all sorry for a few days. I don’t think I’ve to put up with all that.

I strongly pray that this would never work out (aiya has to formally decline the proposal). Cause I am freaking wrecked over his actions. If at all I have to live with this, I don’t think I could do it.

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